Gratitude

Gratitude. It's the stuff of life. The feel good stuff. It's the conduit between praying and receiving, it's the warm glow and the bubbling joy. It's good to remember - and a little bit will go a long, long way.

My mother - who would have been 73 today, Happy Birthday, Mom! - used to tell me to Count My Blessings. As a child I didn't quite understand - with a child's Faith that all will always be well, I took it all for granted. As a teenager, I resented it. I felt like she was telling me I didn't really deserve my good fortune. As a young adult, I didn't know how I could possibly feel gratitude when life was so very, very hard.

But little by little, it began to dawn on me. Little by little, I learned to become grateful for even the littlest things. I began, after all, to Count My Blessings. And when I did, I discovered a very odd thing about myself.

Somewhere along the way, I had come to fear feeling gratitude. Somehow, feeling gratitude had become linked to a sense of unworthiness, that if I felt grateful for something it must be because I had received something I did not deserve. If I acknowledged my good fortune, perhaps it would be ripped from me. Yes, God's ways may be mysterious but the Mind comes a close second....

So practicing gratitude became an exercise in self worth. Funny how things turn out. The more gratitude I felt, the more I got to acknowledge my own self worth. Hunh. All of a sudden, when I felt gratitude I also had an opportunity to feel it as an acknowledgement of my own worthiness in receiving. It's a win-win! It's also a little bit of work, still. I have to remind myself I am not just blessed - I am worthy of my blessings.

Why? Because I am a child of God and worth it, that's why!!! Just ask L'Oreal.

Blessings come in all sizes. Yesterday I received a package I was not expecting. I opened it with a puzzled frown on my face. It was a thoughtful gift from a new friend and my heart opened like a red rose in bloom. I was overwhelmed by her generosity and thoughtfulness. My frown turned upside down and became a deeply touched smile. It fuelled the rest of my day.

Blessings can be selfprescribed. In the morning I am met by a million sights for which to be grateful - 5 waggy dogs, 4 nickering horses, 3 braying donkeys, 2 miaowing cats, one rising sun, acres of serene pastureland, dozens of singing birds, a sleepy husband, a steaming cup of my favorite tea, and a partridge in a pear tree....and the ability and time to enjoy it all.

Blessings can be acts of God. Like my mother, who while being the greatest blessing of all, taught me to Count My Blessings. Nobody loves you like your Mama, nobody forgives like your Mama, nobody knows you like your Mama, and nobody infuriates you like your Mama. It is said you don't know what you've got till it's gone, and that is partly true. It is also true that for every time she drove me mad, there were a hundred for which I simply sat and gave thanks for having a wonderful mother. A fiercely loyal, devoted, supportive, adoring, always forgiving and welcoming me home, mother.

 

So while I now miss coming home to my mother and instead tend a grave, I am just grateful I ever had her at all. And that, my friends, is a blessing to be counted, Always and Forever.